There are many things in life to be desired for – whether you are striving to lose a few pounds, stick to a diet, to get a pay raise or to quite smoking. So what do you think will get you there? Will it be self discipline or motivation? I actually have found the answer to this question in a parenting book!
I have been reading this book called the Secrets of Discipline-12 Keys for Raising Responsible Children by Ron G. Morrish. The word discipline sounds harsh and punitive but the true meaning of it is to train and it comes from the word disciple which means student.
So lately I have been finding myself bargaining with my children to get them to do what I ask. There are many examples of this throughout the day like “get dressed and then you can have some breakfast” or “clean up and then we can …” or “eat your salad and then you can have a dessert”. This is called bribery and it is exhausting and frustrating. This way of parenting establishes a “what’s in it for me” attitude. And if the reward is not good enough then soon the kids will lose interest in what needs to be done.
The alternative to bribing children to do what you ask them to do is to set expectations and routines for them. “No” and “Failure” are not acceptable. The only other option is to succeed.
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An example of this would be getting a child to clean up their room. If your child is young you can set a time limit of 15 minutes so the task does not seem overwhelming. And then stop when the time is up even if the room is not totally cleaned up.
Mom says: Let’s go and clean up your room. (Notice there is no choice in this statement)
Child says: No!
Mom brings the child to the room.
Mom says: ok honey, pick up the books and put them on the bookshelf.
Child says: No!
Mom takes the child’s hand and gets the child to pick up the books and put it away on the shelf.
Mom says: ok, let’s pick up the Lego. I hold the box and you pick up the pieces.
Child says: ok!
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This is an example out of the Secrets of Discipline and it is what happened to me when I implemented it. My daughter had no choice but to clean up her room. I stood by and directed her movement. I told her what to pick up and where to put it away. This is what training is all about. There is no room for failure. The only other option is success – you do it until you get it!
Practice makes perfect
Once a behavior is established you need to practice it to perfect it. If you have ever been on a sports team you know how important practice is before a game. Also before you get a drivers license you need to practice how to drive before you take the driving test.
*Without practice, failure is very likely.*
Do you practice during a game or test? No, you practice before.
So with any behavior that you want changed you need to practice it until it you do it without thinking about it!
Creating Self-Discipline
Cleaning up is often horrible chore. But the more we think about how horrible it is the less likely we are to do it. So we get rid of choice and just clean up without thinking about it. The cleaning up just got less painful and with practice it will become a routine. This is self-discipline. We train ourselves to do things that seem painful until it becomes habitual.
Motivation
Motivation is defined as a psychological reason for an action. Motivation is great for short term. You can get pumped to do something but if you stop being motivated then failure is likely to happen. So what happens if you get off track? Well negative thoughts will start to beat down those motivating thoughts and soon giving up and failure are likely. Motivation is only a short term solution.
Conclusion
For true success we need to build concrete routines and practice those routines until we don’t need to think about them and just do them!
To your health and wellness,
Catherine Osthaus
Ps. Check out Scott Tousignant’s Unstoppable Fatloss program. It’s like having a personal trainer in your home. A trainer to tell you exactly what to do and how to lose that unwanted fat. There is no more choice to fail. It is not an option. Practice a routine and do it!
